The Story of Bob
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "bobs_amanuensis" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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11:05 pm
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Podcasts and a yard sale
For those few who still check this journal, I thought I'd pass along a couple of things that might be of interest.
First, I wanted to put in permanent links to the Cyberfeast podcasts. The Foodwine mailing list, of which Bob was a member, produced 11 podcasts, and Bob participated in seven of them:
Podcast #3 - October 29, 2006
Bob's section, "Cream of Anything Soup," starts at 05:30.
Podcast #4 - November 12, 2006
Bob's discussion, "All About Brining," is in three sections, starting at 04:48.
Podcast #5 - November 19, 2006
Bob's section, a humor piece called "How Thanksgiving Got Started," starts at 18:43.
Podcast #6 - December 3, 2006
Bob's section, "Holiday Beverages," starts at 20:35.
Podcast #7 - December 10, 2006
Bob's section, which covers two eggnog recipes, starts at 27:20.
Podcast #8 - December 17, 2006
Bob's section, on making flavored vinegars, starts at 13:50.
Podcast #9 - December 31, 2006
Bob's section, "Perfect Onion Soup," starts at 11:15.
Second, for those who live nearby, I am finally ready to find new homes for some of Bob's many possessions. His three daughters and I are having a yard sale this Saturday (September 15th), 8 am to 4 pm, at 315 Hays Avenue in Staunton. Items available include kitchenwares, dishes, hundreds of books (including cookbooks and audiobooks), men's clothing, hardware and tools, restaurant equipment, household furnishings, linens and bottles of flavored vinegar made by Bob. If you are looking for a memento, just let us know. Thanks.
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09:24 pm
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College fund information and other notes
The bank finally got back to us and I have the information needed for those who wish to contribute to Carla's college fund as a way of honoring Bob's memory.
The name of the plan is the "Franklin Templeton 529 Plan". Make checks payable to "FT 529 Plan" and write the account number (6000847498) on your check. Mail checks to Franklin Templeton 529 Plan, P.O. Box 9849, Providence, RI 02940.
I'm afraid the minimum transaction is $50 (that is, any combination of checks that adds up to $50 or more). That won't be as much of a problem for people who are banding together to do this, as I know some groups are, but if you would like to contribute a lesser amount on an individual basis, please email me through this blog (bobs_amanuensis@livejournal.com) and I'll give you an address to send the check to.
Other news: There will be a tribute to Bob on WSVA radio (550 AM) on April 25th (rescheduled from the 17th due to the recent shootings) from 10 AM until noon.
A friend of Bob's wrote a really good article about Bob in a local newspaper.
The family is also discussing the possibility of planting a tree in memory of Bob in a local park. If this comes together, I'll post about it in the future.
To those of you who've accompanied me on this painful journey, thank you. Please don't feel obliged to check this site regularly; I will only be posting to pass along local news about tributes to Bob. However, I plan to leave the site in place indefinitely for those who might come upon the news of Bob's death at a later date and want more details.
A number of people have thanked me for making this blog available. It wasn't selfless: every posted response before his death touched Bob enormously, giving him the rare opportunity to learn before he died how much he had affected people during his life. I started this blog as a service for the family, but through the responses of its readership, it became the last gift I could give Bob. That meant everything to me.
The responses since his death have reminded me that I'm not the only one grieving him, and that means a lot, too. He deserved to be mourned. Thank you all for helping me do it.
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01:03 pm
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Update - Carla's education fund
Carla's brother-in-law, who is a Certified Financial Planner, is setting up a Section 529 College Savings Plan for Carla's education, to be administered by him and Carla's mother. The paperwork is currently being put together, and I will post details for those who wish to contribute as soon as it is completed. Thanks for your patience, those who have asked.
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10:54 pm
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Arrangements
Several people have asked about Bob's funeral wishes and whether they should send flowers or a donation to a charity or something similar. Actually, Bob requested that there be no funeral or memorial service. His body will be cremated tomorrow and the family will celebrate his life at some future date.
Bob didn't have a favorite charity, but he was devoted to his 15-year-old daughter, Carla. Before his death, friends asked if they could honor his memory by contributing to Carla's education fund and Bob was very touched and pleased by the idea. In case any of you wish to do the same, I'll post details about the fund within a few days.
And if you want to do something that would have pleased him, go out of your way to make someone laugh. He did that a lot.
Edited to add: A local newspaper printed Bob's obituary today, for those who are interested.
Edited to further add: The other local newspaper also printed the obituary, here, with slightly fewer alterations to the original text.
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08:20 pm
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Gone
Bob died in his sleep this afternoon. It was as peaceful as anyone could have wished: I was sitting beside him, and he breathed in, and out, and didn't breathe in again. He had been unconscious since yesterday evening and showed no signs of distress at any point.
This morning, I read him his latest messages and talked to him, and stroked his hand. I doubt he heard or felt any of it, but if part of his brain was still on duty, all he heard during his last hours were the voices of his family and all he felt were the touches of warm blankets and loving hands.
It was everything I could have asked for, except to have him back.
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07:02 pm
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Watching and waiting
No change. Bob is still sleeping almost all the time, still not in pain, still slipping very gradually away. I wish I could say something meaningful about where we are right now, but I don't have any clever words left.
Thanks again for the support, everyone. It's a comfort to know that there are so many of you out there thinking of us.
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09:54 pm
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"Great nature's second course, chief nourisher in life's feast"
That's Shakespeare talking about sleep in Macbeth, and it seemed appropriate. Bob isn't eating, but he's sleeping, and it's a kind of nourishment he needs.
Little has changed during the past 48 hours. Most of the time, Bob sleeps, and some of the time, he dreams. When he speaks to us, sometimes he's awake and sometimes he's still dreaming, so he's made a few rather random comments that confused us at first. On the other hand, he spent 10 minutes talking with us about ordinary things this afternoon before falling asleep again. And then, last night he used the bell placed beside him to summon his kids and sternly told them they were making too much noise.
And then again, tonight he told me he loves me. I knew that, but it still made me cry.
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07:11 pm
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Searching for the best possible death
Last night, Bob told me that he was ready to die now. He has no important unfinished business, he's seen all the close family, and despite careful medicating, his symptoms -- particularly the nausea and vomiting, which are very common with liver tumors -- are making him increasingly uncomfortable when he's awake. Time to go.
He wanted to "go to sleep and not wake up". I told him I couldn't guarantee that, but we could give him the next best thing by keeping him asleep with medications until his body gives up. So, as of last night, he's taking a combination of drugs (ABHR, discussed in a medical article here) every four hours that both keeps him asleep and prevents nausea.
He seems more comfortable this way, and he seems at peace. He wakes for a minute or two at a time to take the medication or smile at whoever is in the room, then falls asleep again. He isn't talking, except for a random sentence now and then, and he isn't taking in any food or liquid. I don't think I'll be reading him any more emails or messages.
I'm not ready for him to go, but I would never have been ready.
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10:59 am
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Photos by, rather than of, Bob
A few days ago, one of Bob's daughters was going through some of the disorganized papers in our house and came across two rolls of undeveloped film. She had them developed and found one roll of pictures of Carla (Bob's youngest daughter) cheerleading and another roll of black and white pictures Bob had taken a few years ago. I really liked some of them, and it gave me the idea to post some of the pictures Bob's taken over the years. He'd be the first to acknowledge that he's never been a professional photographer, but I think he has a good eye and he's always enjoyed playing with cameras. So, here is a gallery of miscellaneous pictures that I like, or he likes, or we both like.
Warning: Some of these pictures were scanned from prints and are very large. If you have a slow Internet connection, they might take a while to download.
(No change in Bob's condition.)
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12:55 pm
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Interstices
We -- Bob's children and I -- realized yesterday that we spend most of our days waiting for the short lengths of time when Bob is awake. He sleeps most of the time now, and is unrousable for much of it, so when he's both awake and alert, we all flock to speak with him. Early this morning, his eldest daughter and I talked with him for an hour -- the longest he's been awake for several days now. Usually we get five or 15 minutes at a time, then he drifts off again. I've been reading him his blog comments, emails and letters during these awake moments.
Although he's not in pain, he is often uncomfortable due to sweating, nausea and/or extreme weakness, so being asleep is probably the best thing for him. It's hard watching our time with him tick away, though.
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09:44 am
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Medication juggling
One of the trickier aspects of overseeing Bob's care has been trying to make sure that he's getting maximum benefit from all his medications. It's complicated enough keeping track of them -- one is once a day, two are twice a day, one is three times a day and one is four times a day -- but balancing them against one another is worse.
Bob felt dehydrated yesterday, something that's happened before, and I talked the home hospice staff into providing him with a liter of intravenous saline at home (something they don't generally do). They were worried that his blood pressure would get too high if they added more fluid to his body, so we decided to double his evening blood pressure medication dose and continue the diuretic that we were considering discontinuing. At the same time, we changed his anti-nausea medication from PRN (as needed) to regular use in the hope that he'd stop losing as much fluid by vomiting.
The intravenous fluid process went fine, and I now know how to flush, disinfect, close and cap a Port-a-Cath line. Bob hasn't vomited since noon yesterday, which is encouraging, and he's feeling better this morning than he did yesterday. I'm relieved. None of this is slowing down his increasing weakness or stopping his liver from failing, but it's definitely keeping him more comfortable, which is why I get up in the morning.
(Sorry for not posting yesterday, by the way. I think I was sleeping, convincing a nurse or holding Bob's hand for the majority of the day.)
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08:02 pm
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Unsuspected skills
One of the odd things about this situation is the opportunity it provides for people to show their unseen abilities. I would never have guessed that Bob's two eldest daughters could change a hospital bed in three minutes flat with their father still in it. We've started calling them the Pit Crew.
On a more serious note, I should provide a general apology and explanation here. Several people have asked recently if they could visit Bob and we've had to say no. I hope no-one is offended by this; it's a matter of conserving the strength he has left, and Bob's asked that just his family be around him.
But thanks to all for the continuing stream of cards and messages. I am still reading every card, every letter, every email and every blog comment to Bob, and we're both still amazed by and grateful for the warm wishes.
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12:16 pm
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New photo
I've posted a new photo in the gallery -- click here. It was taken a week ago and shows Bob meeting his youngest grandchild for the first time.
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02:45 pm
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The ups and downs of Virginia weather
Two days ago, it was so warm and sunny here that we opened all the doors and windows and aired out the entire house. The living room, where Bob's bed is, is already full of plants, and he said it felt as though he were outside.
Yesterday, it rained. A gray day, but as Bob pointed out, his outdoor bonsai trees needed watering. They all looked much healthier last night.
Today... it's snowing. Big, heavy flakes that are settling on everything. My car has turned white. Whose idea was this?!
(Yes, Bob continues as well as can be expected. Sleeping a lot, but no pain and enjoying time with his family. Thanks again to everyone for all the kind wishes and messages.)
Edited to add: Okay, I have to admit the snow is kind of pretty.
 
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01:33 pm
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Yesterday was a good day
Bob's been gradually trying other foods, looking for something that tastes as it should, and yesterday both quiche and canteloupe worked. He also spent a few hours with all four of his children, looking at old slides and reminiscing about vacations taken when they were little. It was a really nice day.
Right now, three of the kids are in the kitchen and Bob is sleeping peacefully after chatting with them this morning.
I'm treasuring these times.
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10:15 am
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Water tasted good today!
It didn't last, but those of you following the details of Bob's illness will know what a pleasure it was for him to drink something that tasted like it was supposed to. Since before Christmas, water -- even distilled water -- has tasted terrible. This morning's drink was a happy moment.
Otherwise, no change in Bob's condition. He remains comfortable and pain-free.
Management note: I should mention that from now on, commenters on this blog will experience a short delay before their comments appear. I had to delete a couple of mean-spirited comments, so I'm screening comments before they're posted now. Don't worry -- I was reading them all as they arrived anyway (and later reading them all to Bob) so this isn't going to cause any extra trouble. And I have a trusty assistant in the form of Bob's daughter Rob, who'll help out when I'm busy.
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06:51 pm
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No change
I wouldn't even post except that someone asked and I realized that for those checking the blog regularly, no news could be bad news. I'll try to post a short update at least every other day.
Bob's condition hasn't changed much over the past two days. I think he's sleeping a little more and gets tired a little faster, but he is still not in pain and is "himself" when he's awake. He's eaten a few more bites of food, but nearly everything still tastes bad (which is enormously annoying) and he has no appetite.
Our friends and family continue to astound us with their kindness and generosity of spirit. Two friends flew here (Virginia) from Albuquerque, NM to see Bob briefly and provide me with emotional support for a couple of days. Another friend has lent her car to visiting family members while they're staying here. Family members have taken indefinite leaves of absence from work to be here. And the frequent emails and blog comments continue to astonish us with their sincerity and warmth. I don't know what we've done to deserve such friends and family, but it must have been terrific.
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10:51 pm
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We have the best friends
Parcels, phone calls, messages... we are so fortunate. Our families are wonderful, but our friends and acquaintances are pretty damn terrific, too. We appreciate every one of you.
Bob's been tired today -- he pushed himself too hard yesterday, he thinks. The physical weakness is gradually increasing, although he can still read if he props things up. He's been sleeping a lot. But he ate some cream of mushroom soup and enjoyed it, which was amazing and wonderful, since everything's been tasting odd to him lately. We'll take our victories where we can find them.
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11:01 am
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Regarding messages and photos
I have to apologize -- I've been sending out conflicting information about leaving messages for Bob. As I've told some of you, he is weak (essentially bedridden at present) and he isn't using the computer at all (although I hold up the laptop to show him photos occasionally). As I've also told some of you, he has been very touched by the emails, posts and comments he has been receiving. At first, I worried about too many people writing and Bob feeling overwhelmed, but I've since decided that as long as I read him messages in small batches, the numbers don't matter. And truly, we have both been brought to tears by some of the wonderful things people have said. So, don't feel obligated to write by any means, but don't hold back if you wish to, either.
A few people have also asked for pictures of Bob. I started a gallery of photos here a few weeks ago and there are about two dozen pictures there now. Thank you to all of you who sent in photos -- I didn't use them all because I wanted to keep the gallery manageable in size, but it's been great to have choices. I think these are pretty representative of the last several years, although I'll probably add a few more over time and they're in no particular order. Feel free to download, keep and/or print out any you like.
He's doing okay so far today. Tired, weak, but comfortable. Sleeping right now.
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05:21 pm
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Resting comfortably
It's a cliche, but it's also true. A Home Hospice Care nurse visited yesterday and we now have a hospital bed in our living room. Bob is not likely to get out of it again, but we have everything needed to keep him warm, comfortable and as contented as possible under the circumstances. His symptoms are under good control and he's mentally alert. It could be so much worse.
Bob's family thronged to him as soon as they heard the news, and they're staying here and in local hotels. At present, his sister, two nieces, three daughters, a son-in-law, a granddaughter and a grandson-in-law are here; we're expecting his son, daughter-in-law and two more grandchildren on Friday. Bob is sleeping a great deal, of course, but everyone has had time to talk with him. They're also being wonderful visitors by doing errands and chores of every description so that I can spend all my waking time with Bob.
We have received so many messages of love and support and good will that I'm overcome just thinking about it. I wish I could send responses to every one of you, but right now, the time I spend answering email and responding to posts is time I don't spend focusing on Bob. So, I hope you will all forgive me for not answering everyone separately and instead accept my heartfelt thanks for your warm messages. I've been reading every single email and blog comment to Bob, and he's been surprised and touched that he is so well thought of. Some of the kind words have made us both cry. I am so grateful to you all.
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